dispositivemotion-test: Changes

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

First, I want to thank everyone for the kind words after yesterday's post. No one said anything negative about, but rather a blog turned IRL friend. She has received some rather negative feedback as of late and I just want her to know that not everyone is mean, rude and just plain lacking in the manners department.

But today, I am talking about change. To say I have had some major changes in my life would be an understatement. I have tons of major changes in my life in the past couple months. From marriage, job, pregnancy, whew those just make me tired. But I have also seen a change in my demeanor as well. Yes, I am still controlling and high-strung, but I have also realized that I have become more realistic.

I see that I cannot do everything. Literally, the growing bump has brought about a realization that I am not queen of the world, nor do I want to be. I am limited in what I can eat, do, and just physically and emotionally handle right now.

Some of the changes I have struggled with more than others. The inability to workout like I used to have perhaps been one of the biggest struggles. I still want to run and lift and my body just cannot do it. I sigh as I see the lack of definition in my arms and legs after working so hard to tone and lean out. I get frustrated when just a walk on the treadmill lasts less than 5 minutes do to the round ligament pains. I want so badly to just break a sweat at the gym.

I also had a breakdown in Banana the other day because all I wanted to do was buy some cute new clothes and I just watched longingly as my husband picked out jeans and I just stared at the pretty things. I feel limited by what I can wear and I am not excited to get up and go to work because I just have no desire to wear the clothes that "fit."

Besides my body changes, my mood. I go from crying to laughing in a matter of seconds and man its exhausting. As is just making it through some of the day. I want to just curl up to nap so that my body can rest, but there is no rest for the weary and a million things on my "to-do" list. I am told to slow down, but more is put on my plate as I prepare for the epic life change that is coming in just under 3 months.

I also see change my in relationship with my husband. I feel more needy for his love and admiration now. I am in constant need of reassurance that he loves me and sees me as beautiful. I also struggle to see that he truly loves the growing child within me and is excited for this next step in our lives.

Change is good and this change is wonderful, but it does not come without its own set of worries and struggles.

3 comments:

P!nkyJanuary 21, 2015 at 6:02 AM
Change is so good, but it's also so scary. Especially when it's such a life CHANGING moment as a baby. Even though you don't feel it, you look so great, friend. I've seen you IRL and you are beautiful and glowing. I know the stress of the extra weight isn't fun for your body or mind, but it is so amazing you are growing a lil human inside your body.

I hope that you get the time to slow down and rest, because I think that will help some. We feel better when we are rested and not tired and stressed. Your husband loves you so much, it was so sweet watching him when I visited. Y'all are made for each other, it's so sweet.

Sending you LOTS of love and hugs!!!!
JennJanuary 21, 2015 at 6:30 AM
I have a hard time with change...and when it's a big life change, it's really hard. Add in pregnancy hormones, and I can imagine how difficult things are. You take pride in how you look and aren't used to being bigger than you're accustomed. But you've also never grown a baby before, either, and that in and of itself, is a miracle that so many people don't get to enjoy. When you can, instead of focusing on the negative aspects of the change, remind yourself of the awesome ones. The movements you feel, and the heartbeats you hear and the more you grow, the healthier your baby is. Sometimes it takes a shift in the mindset to flip flop from feeling icky to more of "this is pretty alright and awesome". I know you DO feel those things already, but in those moments of doubt and icky feelings, remind yourself of one of those awesome things that you're loving about the change!
Love ya!!
Law_FalJanuary 21, 2015 at 8:14 AM
Change is so scary but necessary. You're super gorgeous, and will continue to be. Just think about alllll the cute clothes you will be debuting this summer ;) and fall but with a matching little one to up the cuteness factor! Shopping will be even more fun then!! :)